Miss of the Swiss

Soon it will be two years since I first came to Switzerland. The longer I live here, the more I realize I can never really go back to life in the US…at least not the way I used to know it. For now, this is my home. For the good and the bad, this is home. 

I guess one of the biggest changes I’ve noticed is that more and more I’m beginning to consider it home. Don’t get me wrong…I still have days where I want nothing more than to be back in Boston with my friends and familiar surroundings, and to be honest I doubt that will ever change. But I also know that my friends have moved on with their lives there since I’ve left. The surroundings have become less familiar with time. Lives go on and it’s important to make peace with this and let my own life go on as well. When I first moved here, this was difficult. It’s become easier with time and I suppose that’s only normal.

And besides let’s be honest. Even if I were back in Boston, I would still be blogging and reblogging depressing self absorbed entries on tumblr. 

I remember riding the orange line in Boston and laughing with some girls I didn’t know about this man who was doing a very bad job at trying to pick one of them up. After he got off the train, we all had a funny conversation about the weird stuff he had said to her. I didn’t know these girls and I never saw them again, but we shared a moment together and that is something I miss. I have so many memories similar to that from living in the States. That’s something that I am really missing while living here.

Those moments. Some folks here say that smiling at strangers or making small talk is superficial, but I say what’s wrong with smiling/small talk? Why not smile at a stranger if you know it’s going to help them (and most likely you) have a better day? Many times I’ve been told that Americans have this shallow, superficial habit of asking how someone’s day is although they don’t really care. You know what? Ask me! I don’t care if you will forget my answer in five minutes.

When I ask you, don’t get nervous…this doesn’t mean I expect you to be my lifelong best friend. I just wouldn’t mind some friendly conversation from strangers once in awhile.

I love life. I love people. I am not naive enough to think that life is always easy or fun. Nor am I of the mindset that people won’t rob me blind or stab me in the back the moment I turn around, but I still believe that people for the most part are good and life is worth living.

 I’m not complaining or saying that I’m unhappy here. It’s just that sometimes the ideas of home and love from people who really know me are too overwhelming and all I can do is close my eyes to try and make their memories disappear until that moment passes.

This week’s journaling agenda by Folk Magazine asks what short and long term goals I hope to achieve this year. 

I’m not really the type to make New Year resolutions, but lately I have been thinking a lot about making some changes. The choices I make don’t just affect me anymore. I have Annie to think about as well. I want to do right by her.

For one, although we’re living in Switzerland right now, I would like to take her to the US this year and introduce her to my friends and family. I want her to ride on the subway and walk…okay more likely carried…through the city where I lived. I want her to grow up feeling comfortable in my city and know that this can also be her home. I want her to be surrounded by the love of my friends and family. I want her to feel the love and contentment of it all.

I want to relax and enjoy the time I have with her and Mr C. I started work again this week and realized it’s not going to be easy. My days now start at 5 am and don’t stop. By the time I get to work, I’ve been “up and at ‘em” for three hours (and with very little sleep to begin with). I don’t have time for high school type cliques or gossip at work. I don’t have time for whining and complaining without any intent to change something. 

The most important goal of mine is to live life. I want to give Annie the best life that I can. This may mean that I have to make some difficult decisions in the upcoming years. I’m ready.

Life is beautiful, and I guess what I’m saying is that now I’m going to allow myself to enjoy it.

One of my favorite things about living in Switzerland is the Christmas markets. Mmm…raclette, Dresden Stollen, cinnamon stars…even just the food at the markets make them worth visiting.

My favorite Swiss Christmas market is the one in Basel, but shh don’t let Mr. C know. I have to keep him believing that I prefer the Zurich HB market. ;)

I’m still not used to how less commercial Christmas is here compared to back home, but that’s not necessarily a bad thing. Although I still don’t quite understand the whole idea of the Swarovski tree at the HB…seems a bit out of place.

The other day, an old woman yelled at me because my baby was crying. She went on about how I was “doing it wrong” and I was a “bad mother”. The positive thing was that I could understand her now so I was able to tell her off…The negative…well that goes without saying. 

This isn’t the first time I’ve been yelled at by a stranger (some guy even spit on me when I was 4 months pregnant!) while living in Switzerland. I’ve used tumblr many times this past year to vent my frustrations (as well as the good things) about life in the land of cheese and chocolate. 

That being said, this time really irked me in a way that the past experiences hadn’t. Why was I letting some stranger…some grumpy stranger…make me feel bad or question my parenting skills? 

The funny thing is that if this woman would have yelled at me a year ago I probably would have cried. Instead this time I just turned to her and told her to “Shut up you old bag. This is my child not yours. Leave me alone” and walked away. 

A good friend once told me that being a mom is the hardest job she has ever had. I have to agree. I guess because we give our all to this little baby and want nothing more than the best for her and yes, we are always questioning if what we are doing is really the best. We’ve had anywhere from very little to no sleep at all, we are our child’s window to the world and try to ensure s/he’s getting a healthy start into life, and let’s face it…we are pushed to the stress limit most of the time.

When this lady decided to yell at me, I was at that stress limit, but thankfully this time I had something that I didn’t necessarily have in the past. I feel like I had a support system around me of other mothers here. When I told them about my experience, many of them shared that they too had run into the same type of situation. While I wish things like this didn’t happen at all, it is nice to know that we’re not alone when it does.

Now enjoy some Jason Mraz and know that you are really doing a great job. Don’t let the grumpies get you down.